Don't Let Me Go

As I hide down here in the study lounge (which is heated...so I don't know why I don't just come here to hang when I'm hiding from my room) and I'm supposed to be writing my paper because apparently I SUCK at these papers, but I guess I knew that. I haven't been putting a lot of effort into them and I guess it shows. It's not that I don't care about doing well, it's that I'm not sure how to go about getting better. I know what's wrong, I just don't know how to fix it. Anyway, my professor told me today that if I don't start to do better then I'll tank my GPA in next semester's class.

Moving on though - you know that feeling when you're down and you feel like you're just slipping away from everyone around you and everything you love? Yea. That's my life right now. I know that counseling will help and that if I take better care of myself it will be better, but it's not better now...and that's a sadness.

Who I’d Be

So, it’s my four year anniversary of being a vegetarian and what a journey it has been. I wish I’d had the self discipline when I started that I have now. It’s funny, thinking back I mostly ate cheese and junk food the first several months I was vegetarian and I never thought I could change those habits, but sitting here now I crave fresh fruits and vegetables more than any other food and I’m discovering that there are a lot more of those than I ever imagined.

For example, Rainier cherries. They are so cute – they look like little fuji apples and they are really good, especially now while they are in season. But I had no idea that one, I even liked cherries (other than maraschino cherries), two, that cherries the fruit taste nothing like cherry the flavor, or three, that there were so many different types of cherries to be explored.

So far, every blog entry has had a theme based on a song from Shrek the musical and today is no exception. As mentioned in my last entry, college is heavy on my mind and now that I have my first official text book (it arrived in the mail today) college is now more reality than fairy tale.

Morning Girl

So. Eighteen days until college and I have to say, I get more excited and more nervous every day. I try and work and find other things to occupy my time, but college is most certainly looming in the immediate future and I’m sure every other college freshman is having the same panic attack that I am: Did I choose the right school? Will I be happy? Am I doing what I really want to do? Is everything about to change?

Honestly, I think this is the beginning of a brand new something. For me, part of starting something new is saying goodbye to something else. I am trying to decide what I will miss most about the life I’ve had here and I’ve thought it could be Caroline Furnace Lutheran Camp. However, camp isn’t going anywhere and will most certainly be here (in one form or another) when I come back. I thought it would be Central High School but more than missing what I had there, I am thankful to be free. Don’t misunderstand, I appreciate the base that teachers built with me and I understand the value of a high school education, but I also know that now that I am free from the social circle of that school I can really be myself. Finally, I thought Wayside Theatre might be what I miss the most. And I am almost right. Yes, I’ll miss being closer to the theatre and I’ll miss the opportunity to see different shows, but in all honesty, I didn’t take advantage of that proximity while I was here: why would I miss it?

No, what I will miss is the Young Performer’s Workshop programs that I went through and the parts of myself I found there. Working with Thomasin, Sarah, and Jen in my different YPW classes brought out things in me that – at risk of sounding cliche – I never knew existed. I blossomed and grew into myself on the Wayside stage more than anywhere else in my life. And I’ll miss it so much. The professionals, the performances, my fellow aspiring actors/actresses, and the ability to always go home to the stage where I found my place.

I guess taking a big step brings out the nostalgia in me, but I think that it’s nice to appreciate the places that have made you.

You've Got To Make a Move.

So, once again, I am behind in life. I worked last week at a Performing Arts Camp, and while I loved it, it really ate all of my time. Not that it's any excuse. I'm supposed to be leaving for Mississippi in a week with a friend (or two?) and I'm supposed to be booking our flights. However, that just hasn't happened yet. So yea, behind is one way to put it.

But I mean, I love behing behind? Cause I'm stressing out over it. Which I guess sounds just like me. I stress. It's kind of my thing.

I really don't have anything else to contribute. I love the Delta website, it's lots of fun to look for your flights and it's easy to figure everything out, but it's not fun enough to chill out my stress.

There's More to the Story

Yes, I have finally succumb to peer pressure and am starting a blog. I don't know if anyone will want to read what I write or if what I think has any value to the world. However, I have my opinions and I have my observations and so, I look forward to putting those thoughts forward.

Current obsessions: musicals. More specifically, Shrek the Musical. I finally bought the soundtrack and it's addictive. It's funny for all ages, not just children.

Sutton Foster, being the Broadway goddess that she is rocks the vocals on the cast album, but it's more than that. It's been a while since I've stumbled on a musical I can really appreciate the musicality of. It's worth looking into, if you like musicals. I'll be the first to admit, it's definitely a musical. You can't mistake it for anything else. But if that's something that, like me, makes your world a happier place then it's well worth your time.